So, I had a strange day this past Saturday. I left around 8 in the morning to get a cup of coffee at 7-11. Normally I just make my own, but I had to get a couple of other things so I figured I would grab coffee too. Just beyond our driveway, in the very center of our little neighborhood street, lay an opossum which appeared to be dead. I am no fool, however. And knowing what I do about opossums, and really cool dogs, I know that they play dead often. I smiled and shook my head at that wily little opossum. "Well played sir, well played".
I drove to 7-11, chatted with the nice cashier that works there, got my coffee and other sundries, and drove home. That opossum was still playing dead in the middle of our street. Normally I feel bad for road kill, but I knew as soon as I felt bad for this guy he would jump up, yell "BOOM, GOTCHA!", put on his top hat and (with a wink) dance away. So I smiled at him as he lay there. "You're not gonna get me, Opossum Pretending to be Dead," I thought. That's what I named him. I went inside, cooked breakfast for the family, played Candy Crush Saga a time or ten, and then went back out to do some laundry. Would you believe that opossum was still there? Method actor? Very committed? I began to doubt it. I decided, begrudgingly, that the opossum previously known as The Opossum Pretending to be Dead, was actually just dead. Sad, I thought. We were sort of friends.
About an hour later, my mother in law came over to get the kids for some play time at her house. By now someone had moved Dead Opossum Previously Known as Opossum Pretending to be Dead into the edge of the neighbor's grass. As my mother in law closed the door with my kids securely inside she said, "What do you think that is dead in the grass there?" I told her it was an opossum, and I had noticed it dead in the street earlier that day. She was relieved that it wasn't the neighbor's little dog, as was I. Then she said to me, "It needs to be buried". She didn't tell ME to bury it DIRECTLY, but she said it like the Godfather, so I got her point. I responded that the city sends people around to get the road kill, and her answer to me was, "Yeah, but that's expensive." I speak mother in law. You may not, so please, allow me to translate. What that meant was, "YOU, should grab a shovel, go scoop up that stiff, dead, smelly opossum, dig a nice hole for it, and bury it to save the TOWN money". So many thoughts were running through my head at once. Firstly, I did not even create this road kill, nor is it on my property. Second, do I actually have some obligation to save the town money? Also, do my taxes cover this, because if so, they I am have already paid for this and can't save the money that I have already paid, can I?
Somewhere, amid all of my confusing thoughts is when I decided that my mother in law might hate me. We have always had a good relationship. She's an awesome lady, loves her grandchildren, raised a good man for me to marry. I didn't even know that we were having issues in our relationship...until then. I don't think anyone can say that their mother in law hates them, with any certainty, unless they have had it suggested to them that they bury road kill to save the town money. That may be mother-daugther-in-law rock bottom. I have been asking around. I was thinking about starting a club of people who have also had their in-laws suggest they bury random road kill. To date I have found no one else to join me. It's lonely at the top, they say. Apparently, it is also lonely at rock, roadkill, bottom. Strange day indeed. Don't worry, by late afternoon, Dead Opossum Previously Known as Opossum Pretending to be Dead was gone. Presumably taken away by Animal Control's Roadkill Division, or maybe just buried by that other person out there who's mother-in-law has lots of great ideas for how they should spend their Saturday. If it be the latter, call me. We can start a club.
:)
Monday, April 21, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Life Is Full of Problems
If there is one thing that teaching Math has taught me, it is that life is full of problems. :) It has also shown me that we have to solve our problems ourselves, but that in the best situation we have someone to help us through the tough ones. Today in Math, I heard myself talking to my students and my words almost made me have to sit myself down for a moment, and take a deep breath. I very seldom cause my own epiphanies, but in this case I kind of did.
The kids were were wimping out on their math problems. Maybe if you aren't a teacher, you aren't familiar with this phenomenon, but most parents who have helped their kids with math will relate. In fact, most people who ever hated a math problem will relate. It is the thing that happens when kids are asked to do a math problem that doesn't jump up and write the answer on the paper for them. You know the kind- maybe two step problems, or (AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH) the dreaded word problem. Anyway, we had gone over the new concepts together, and had done a few practice problems as a class. It was time for them to do some without my guidance. I had just barely gotten the words out of my mouth, "Go ahead and try the next three on your own", when six hands flew up and an additional three kids blurted out, "I don't get it."
That's when I said it. The words that echoed in my being. "Stop being afraid of the struggle. Stop giving up when things look like they will take more than two seconds to finish. You haven't even tried yet. I am here to help when you get part way through and get stuck, but I am not here to do every single thing for you. Do you know when you learn? That's right. When you you struggle. When you wrestle with something difficult; when you work through the questions, and the confusion and fight to "get it" anyway---that is the kind of learning that stays with you forever. You want so badly for it to be easy, or for me to rescue you when it might be getting hard, and that is why you don't believe that you can do it. Do it once. Then you will know you can do it the next time." I was talking fast. I was feeling frustrated and passionate. I'm pretty sure most of my 11 year old audience tuned me out once they realized the point of my little talk was that they weren't getting answers, but still...I had said something profound. Even if I was the only one who heard it.
Now, mind you, I was just talking about a math problem, but hearing that message in my own mind- those words carried a much greater weight. What powerful words for life! What a truth. We don't want to face struggles. I don't want them in my life, and I don't want them for anyone I know or love. Why would any of us hope for things to ever be hard? Struggling is uncomfortable, and scary, and it would be so much nicer for someone who knows the next step to just take over life for us until we get through the rough patches. But when WE do it. When we work through our questions, and confusion, and fear, and press on despite those things, then we see what we are capable of. We get through one thing, and then we begin to trust that we can get through more things. Before long, we grow. We learn. And little by little we become that strong person that we wanted to have rescue us in the first place.
I am facing struggles today. I don't know anyone who isn't. That simple fact keeps me humble, and trying to be kind. It keeps me grateful for my "someones" to lean on: my God, my family, my friends. At the same time it keeps me hoping to be that "someone" for others. We aren't doing something wrong if we are facing a hard time. That just means we are alive. Life's students, facing another word problem, of sorts. It won't do any good to try to avoid the struggle. We must face what lies before us, but we do need each other. Just like my students need me when they get right smack in the middle of a problem and can't go on. We don't need someone to take the pencil for us and do the work, but rather to be there just to refocus us, and ask us the right questions, and inspire us to take the next step when we are ready.
One step at a time...just like in Math. Before long, that problem we were just afraid of will be behind us, and we can tackle the next one.
"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse."
-Helen Keller
The kids were were wimping out on their math problems. Maybe if you aren't a teacher, you aren't familiar with this phenomenon, but most parents who have helped their kids with math will relate. In fact, most people who ever hated a math problem will relate. It is the thing that happens when kids are asked to do a math problem that doesn't jump up and write the answer on the paper for them. You know the kind- maybe two step problems, or (AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH) the dreaded word problem. Anyway, we had gone over the new concepts together, and had done a few practice problems as a class. It was time for them to do some without my guidance. I had just barely gotten the words out of my mouth, "Go ahead and try the next three on your own", when six hands flew up and an additional three kids blurted out, "I don't get it."
That's when I said it. The words that echoed in my being. "Stop being afraid of the struggle. Stop giving up when things look like they will take more than two seconds to finish. You haven't even tried yet. I am here to help when you get part way through and get stuck, but I am not here to do every single thing for you. Do you know when you learn? That's right. When you you struggle. When you wrestle with something difficult; when you work through the questions, and the confusion and fight to "get it" anyway---that is the kind of learning that stays with you forever. You want so badly for it to be easy, or for me to rescue you when it might be getting hard, and that is why you don't believe that you can do it. Do it once. Then you will know you can do it the next time." I was talking fast. I was feeling frustrated and passionate. I'm pretty sure most of my 11 year old audience tuned me out once they realized the point of my little talk was that they weren't getting answers, but still...I had said something profound. Even if I was the only one who heard it.
Now, mind you, I was just talking about a math problem, but hearing that message in my own mind- those words carried a much greater weight. What powerful words for life! What a truth. We don't want to face struggles. I don't want them in my life, and I don't want them for anyone I know or love. Why would any of us hope for things to ever be hard? Struggling is uncomfortable, and scary, and it would be so much nicer for someone who knows the next step to just take over life for us until we get through the rough patches. But when WE do it. When we work through our questions, and confusion, and fear, and press on despite those things, then we see what we are capable of. We get through one thing, and then we begin to trust that we can get through more things. Before long, we grow. We learn. And little by little we become that strong person that we wanted to have rescue us in the first place.
I am facing struggles today. I don't know anyone who isn't. That simple fact keeps me humble, and trying to be kind. It keeps me grateful for my "someones" to lean on: my God, my family, my friends. At the same time it keeps me hoping to be that "someone" for others. We aren't doing something wrong if we are facing a hard time. That just means we are alive. Life's students, facing another word problem, of sorts. It won't do any good to try to avoid the struggle. We must face what lies before us, but we do need each other. Just like my students need me when they get right smack in the middle of a problem and can't go on. We don't need someone to take the pencil for us and do the work, but rather to be there just to refocus us, and ask us the right questions, and inspire us to take the next step when we are ready.
One step at a time...just like in Math. Before long, that problem we were just afraid of will be behind us, and we can tackle the next one.
"The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse."
-Helen Keller
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