Priceless

I feel like people should know about our last drive from Orlando to Cleveland, TN. We were going for different reasons, Jayme for a car show about thirty minutes from my sister's house, and the kids and me to spend a few glorious days with my sister and her family.

In our pre-child days, this is a little bit less than a nine hour drive. With kids, 9-10 hours is doable, as long as the kids "hold it" for as long as possible between bathroom stops, and there are no dinners at Cracker Barrel. This drive,however, did not go as planned...at all, in any way.

We left our house at 8:15 much to Jayme's dismay because he had wanted to leave at 8. We were meeting a friend of his on the highway, in order to convoy to Chattanooga where there was a Volkswagen show that they were attending. We got gas, and got going. We headed to the predetermined spot on the highway where we were to wait for them to drive past and then follow them to TN. We waited for them for about ten or fifteen minutes. It was fine, not a bad wait, other than my brain convincing me that being pulled over on the side of a highway, with my precious children singing songs in the back seat, is perhaps the deadliest place in the world to be. "Good thing we didn't leave the house on time", I lovingly pointed out to Jayme. "Otherwise we would have had to wait with a bulls-eye on our car for a half hour". Sometimes, I am fun to be married to, and sometimes I am just...not. Anyway, they passed us and we pulled out behind their car, ready to get to the business of the trip.

About ten minutes later we got a call from the car in front of us that they had to pull over. They were towing a car to the VW show, and needed to adjust something on the car. We pulled over again, in the deadliest place on earth, and after five minutes or so, started driving again. Just as we took off to merge back into traffic Taryn started making a choking sound, and when I looked back, she was covered in throw up. Gross! If you know me at all, I do not do throw up. Her mommy (I like to refer to myself in the third person when I do stupid things) had given her a bowl of dried cranberries to eat, and she had eaten about 50 craisins in about 2 minutes. She had started to choke on some, and voila...threw them up. We called the car in front of us to tell them to pull over so we could handle the "situation".

We got Taryn cleaned up and settled down, but the stop at the rest area took almost an hour. She was hysterical. This was only the second time in her life that she had thrown up, and she was afraid to throw up again. She just wanted to go home. In fact, I believe at this point she had volunteered to walk home. In addition to the getting sick, she had a meltdown in the restrooms because they were automatic flush toilets, and she is terrified of them. I knew there was no way that we were stopping again for a bathroom break, we were already WAY behind schedule, so she had no choice. The people outside of the bathroom probably thought I was being abusive, but I assure you I was not. Taryn had her hands over her ears (although it was completely silent in the bathroom) and she was screaming, "Get me out of here! Just let me GOOOO." I did not let her go. Eventually, she used the bathroom.

It was now almost 10:00, and we were only about thirty minutes from home. I was stressing out. We got to driving, and finally got some good miles under our tires when we got a call from the car in front of us, "after we cross into Georgia, do you want to stop for lunch?" I informed them that would be great, we just needed a place with grilled cheese, or chicken nuggets and other than that could stop anywhere. The restaurant of choice, Cracker Barrel. So, I was freaking out in my travelers mind. Cracker Barrel? Oh no. Good food, but slow service! "Relax", my brain told me. "Enjoy the day. Stop watching the clock. You have kids, and they would probably like to get out of the car for a while. You are on a relaxing trip, no one is keeping time. It's not a race." I responded that plan sounded fine, and we went to Cracker Barrel.

The kids were excited to get pancakes for lunch, but Taryn was still afraid to throw up if she ate again, so she only nibbled at hers. Her desire to eat was further diminished by the fact that Cracker Barrel gives real Maple Syrup for pancakes, and Taryn (like her mother) despises real Maple Syrup. We only like pancake syrup in my house. We asked for sugar free syrup, which tastes like aunt Jemima, and she ate a few bites, but still almost nothing. (Oh well, can't live in the Cracker Barrel waiting for Taryn to be brave enough to eat delicious pancakes!)

Back on the road, and thirty minutes into the drive Taryn announced that she had to go potty. I reminded her that she just went, but she apparently had to go Number 2. (Of course she did). We told her we were looking for a place and would stop as soon as possible. We were able to play out that scene for about thirty minutes before she couldn't hold it, so we called up to the front car, and pulled over. Guess what kind of toilets were at the rest area? That's right!! Automatic toilets. Taryn had a panic attack...again. She refused to go...I made her try, she did a drip of pee pee and we were back in the car again. Shortly, we had to make a routine stop for gas and I took Taryn in to the grossest bathroom that has ever failed to be maintained. It was the kind where you get the key inside and walk around back to use it. I opened the door and wanted to run away screaming in terror, but not Taryn. Her eyes lit up! "Mommy!!!! It doesn't flush on it's own!!!" (OK, so apparently I am going to enter this filth hole. No problem Taryn,let me just use every Wet Wipe in my purse to clean the general toilet area and then you can have at it). She went (all numbers), and we got back to driving.

At this point we were basically to Atlanta. We had already been on the road for ten hours, and I just couldn't get it out of my head that we should ALREADY be there! Just as we got into the heart of Atlanta the sky opened up and the rain started falling in sheets. We could barely see. It was 6 pm on a Friday and traffic was bad. There were minutes where I don't think I took a breath. (As if the passenger of the car holding her breath helps the ride be more safe?) I couldn't help it. I think the kids were being good, but truly, I don't remember. I just remember the fear.

The rest of the two hours went smoothly. We persevered through the torrents of rain, dropped Jayme off at his hotel, about thirty minutes from my sister's house, and then the kids and I kept going until we reached Cleveland! I called Chrissy when we were almost there and she met me off the exit. In the rain, and having been too long since our last visit, I knew full well the possibility of my getting lost. I still get lost in my own home town, sadly. I followed her to the house, and have never been so happy to be done with a drive. I checked my watch. 8:30. It just took us twelve hours to make a 8 and a half hour trip, Aaaaaaggghhhhh!!! Substandard!!! Had I known before we left that we would have been substandard and traumatized travelers, then I may have chosen to stay home.

Three days later though, when I was leaving my sister's house to go pick Jayme up from the hotel, all I could think was that it was totally worth it. Gas: $200 Driving time: 12 long hours, frustrations: plentiful, three days with my sister: PRICELESS!!!!