I am too accessible to my kids, and I think it is probably true of my whole generation. When we were kids we had a healthy appreciation for the fact that Mom couldn't be at our beck and call, and what's more, that she didn't really want to be. I'm not sure that my own kids have that same healthy appreciation. (They have apologized before when I didn't "get to" make them breakfast. It seems they think my doing things for them is like my Oxygen). Why the difference from my generation to theirs? Maybe it was because when we were sent out to play it was with the instructions not to set foot back in the house before dark. Perhaps it was because when Mom and Dad would go out on a date, Dad would say, "Don't call unless it is an emergency." And Mom would follow that up with, "An emergency is blood,vomit, or a bone sticking out of the skin". We just knew that whatever Mom and Dad were doing during those times, they were better done without us. It sounds a bit harsh now, but the effect at the time was that we respected that our parents were people. Actual humans who existed apart from us.
Cell phones are partly to blame, for sure. I mean, we are pretty much within reach wherever we go thanks to them. Kids aren't used to the idea that if mom is at work, or driving, or in the grocery store, or out for the evening that she also not available for them. How many times have I heard, "Mom, I called and you DIDN'T ANSWER!", said in an accusing tone like I did something wrong? Too many to count. Apparently there is no place I can be when I am not also supposed to be completely within my children's reach. The result? I feel badly when I miss a call, and I cannot completely invest in wherever I am or who I am with because a little part of my brain is always aware that my kids might "need" me. A need that is usually not one at all.
I think I would be remiss to leave the kidnappers out of the blame game, and so I shall blame them a little bit too. I can't tell my kids to go play until dark like my parents used to do. I have to have my eyes on them all of the time to make sure they aren't being lured into the wood's to help find a lost puppy, only to never be seen again. While I know that this is for my kids' safety, I think to them it is just more proof that I don't like to do anything without them.
The truth? I do like to do things without my kids. I don't ever want to BE without them for long, but on a few special occasions I want to say to them, "We are going out.Don't cry.Don't call unless its an emergency involving blood, vomit, or a an exposed bone. Have fun with Nana and know that us being apart is just as important a part of you growing up as us being together is." I do say that, not quite as blatantly. We do spend time apart. I think I just feel a lot guiltier about it than my parents used to feel, and my kids hate it a lot more than I did. In their defense, they are still little, and in my defense, I really do just love being theirs more than anything else. Still, I have to do better to be officially of the grid when we are apart. For their sake, as well as my sanity.
Stupid cell phones and kidnappers.
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